"I'll be home for Christmas"

This has been a day of mixed emotions.  I'm not sure if it is because I have been so busy this Christmas season and today the emotions hit, but today, on my way home from work they did.  Something about this time of year makes me miss my Dad so much.  Songs on the radio, "I'll be home for Christmas" in particular, hits my heart and makes it hard to breath.  As I was driving home this afternoon, I kept replaying the final weeks and days with my Dad.  It was almost like time stood still.  I remember the last thing he said to me before he stopped talking.  I remember the last time I saw his blue eyes.  I remember the last time he squeezed my hand.  And, with tears in my eyes as I write this, I remember the moment when I drove up to the house that July morning and found out he was gone. 
This Christmas has already been filled with so much laughter and smiles as we get ready to celebrate with our Ben.  But there are moments like today when I feel the missing piece.  As I heard that song "I'll be home for Christmas" I was so sad.  Memories and tears flowed free.  But just as I was about to fall to complete pieces, I thought, "you know, he is home this Christmas".  At the very moment when my world broke back in July, there was a celebration up above.  And just as I know that we will be missing him so much this weekend, I will make myself remember that he is celebrating Christmas with the one who started it all.  The daughter part of me wishes he was here....wishes that this year was like last. 
So, as I enter this weekend with my precious Ben and my wonderful family, I guarantee that I will cry at times.  I guarantee that I will miss my Dad more than ever.  But I also guarantee that I will celebrate this beautiful time of year and all that it means because that is what he would have wanted.  So, "(We)'ll be home for Christmas" loving and savoring every moment.