cutting the cord

With Allen's wedding this weekend, the time has arrived for me to put on my big girl panties and spend my very FIRST weekend away from my babies.  I haven't gone one day without Ben....and the only nights were the ones in the hospital when I had Abby.  Every single day for the past 2 years and 3 months has been with the 2 most precious babies in the world. 

We went back and forth about traveling wth them to Chicago.  Flying was OUT of the question.  I can't imagine checking 2 carseats, 2 pack n plays, double stroller, and all the luggage....then installing the carseats in the rental car and driving the 80 plus miles north to the wedding site.  Oh, and did I mention it is February and estimated to be in the negative degrees for wind chill??  Needless to say, we decided Marc would stay here and his parents would come for the weekend.  Mom and I will head north and celebrate with Allen and Meg. 

I have wondered how to handle the situation...tell Ben?  hint at Ben?  completely omit the situation to Ben?  After talking with other Mommies, I decided to tell him the night before that his Mommy is going on an airplane!  Thinking he would think that was cool!  He simple said, "no".  Then I said, "Uncle Allen is getting married and I'm going to see him"  He simply said "no".  I said, "Ben, you get to spend the weekend here with Daddy and Omie and Grandpa and play all day long".  He simply said, "no".  Then about 10 minutes later, he runs into the laundry room and with a quivering lip says, "mommy, i don't like airplane".  "no airplane".  As my heart is ripped into pieces, I hug him, kiss him and tell him i love him.  I ask him "Ben, how much does Mommy love you?"  He smiles and says "lots"  I ask him, "how much does Ben love Mommy?"  He smiles bigger and says, "lots".  I ask him for a big hug and a big kiss.  He does then says, "all better". 

With tears flowing, I giggle and he runs down the hallway. 

Friday, Saturday and most of Sunday, I will be without my kids.  This is unlike anything I have known for so long.  I will miss them more than ever.  I know that this is good for them and for me.  But, dang, this is so hard. 

Be thinking of us as we take on the frigid northern Illinois weather and celebrate with Allen and Meg their wedding.  Be thinking of Marc, Marilyn and Mitch as they take on Ben and Abby.   Tomorrow I will cut the cord....just a little bit more.  I wish I had an epidural!