As I sit here waiting to feed Abigail one more time before I turn in for the night, I look around and see Abigail asleep in the pack n play, Marc dosing on the couch, and Ben snoozing in his crib on the monitor. I am up....surfing the net, flipping thru the channels and replaying the day in my head. As a mommy of now 2, I have realized that no matter the time of day, our brain is on constant scan mode. What time was Abigail's last feeding? What should I feed Ben for lunch? Oh, I need to make sure and add Gerber Grabbers to the grocery list. I should probably try and get another load of laundry in before I put Ben down for his afternoon nap. ETC .
One thing that is bouncing around in my head tonight is my Dad. He missed my entire pregnancy. Even though, he was the first person I told that we were trying to have another baby, he wasn't here when we found out. He missed the announcement by just a few weeks. He missed her birth. He has now missed her first 4 weeks. Ben is now 18 months old. He is a running / talking toddler. I keep thinking that it is so hard to know that he wasn't a part of this. There are so many things that I would have loved for him have seen. For him to have done. From the most tiny thing to the biggest, I would have loved for him to be here.
I tell myself that maybe he knows what is going on down here. Maybe God is letting him look down and see all the amazing things that are happening. Or maybe, God is filling him in on it himself. Either way, I know he would be so proud of his Ben and all that he can now do and say! And, he would be head over heels in love with Abigail. He always had a soft spot for me, so I can only imagine what he would think of her.
Man, I miss him so much! So, as I sit here tonight at almost 11 thinking of him, maybe he is sitting up there doing the same thing.
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