I decided on my way to Mom's house this morning that I was going to go by Dad's grave. It is something that I haven't wanted to do but felt led to do it today. I went and bought some pretty yellow daisies and I found the courage to go. Ben didn't go to the graveside service.....my friend Lindsey kept him at the funeral home. So, I wanted to take him and show him NOT where his G is but where G's memorial is. With tears falling, I carried Ben to the grave. I talked to Ben about how much his G loved him and how proud his G was of him. I told him that even though his body is laying here, his G is walking in Heaven. I laid the flowers down, gave Ben a big kiss, and walked back to the car.
I'm not sure when I will go back to his grave. I'm not sure when the tears will stop falling. I'm not sure when our new normal will be created. I'm not sure about any of this. But I am sure that I was blessed for 31 years with the best Dad in the world. I am sure that Marc and I have been given the greatest blessing with our Baby Ben. And I AM SURE that the grave doesn't hold my Dad. He isn't in the ground....he is as far from the ground as you can be. Ben will know this....and for this I am sure.
I want to comment on each post you write but I don't. They are always so touching and worded so well. The ones of us who read them know that the words are from your heart. You bless us by sharing your thoughts here. As I've said before - You are an amazing young woman!
ReplyDeleteJessica,
ReplyDeleteit gave me such a blessing to read this. And, brought tears. You are an amazing writer and amazing daughter, amazing mother, and I am sure Marc will agree an amazing wife. Wonderful post....
Once again I am in tears. I am blown away by your strength. I can't imagine how hard it was to go to his grave.. especially with Ben. One thing is for sure- he is not in the ground.. he is alive and well. Ben WILL know this. He will also see his G again.. Thank you again for another beautiful post.
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